Monday, September 12, 2005

Terrorist arrested at D.C. Event: Thousands saved

White crowd evacuated from danger within minutes. Negros invited to observe the "proper way" to flee life threatening situations

A terrorist who was attempting to infiltrate Sunday's "Freedom March" was quickly arrested and hustled away in handcuffs according to published reports in The New York Times this morning. The terrorist was arrested

"...after he slipped a black hood over his head and produced a sign that read, "Freedom?"

The man was removed from the Pentagon registration area, handcuffed and taken away in a police car. It was not clear whether he was charged or simply detained and the police did not respond to messages requesting more information."

Department of Homeland Security officials say that their swift actions surely prevented what could have been a catastrophe. "There is no doubt," said one, "that 'freedom' is one of those insidious concepts which can spread like wildfire unless you stamp it right out."

The crowd of thousands of white people evacuated the National Mall in an orderly fashion within minutes, even taking the time to pick up their trash as they left. "See, this is how it can be done" crowed FEMA head Michael Brown, who was recently called back to Washington to oversee the event and lend the expertise that he recently gained with his awe inspiring work in the New Orleans crisis.

Another person, carrying a subversive sign reading " "Honor Our Troops, Respect Their Lives," had her sign confiscated, but was allowed to attend the event once she handed it over to police.

When asked by reporters "Is it right, in a democracy, to squelch opposing ideas?" White House spokesman Scott McLellan pointed out that America's stockpile of democracy is at critically low levels due to the fact that we have been exporting it abroad on such a grand scale lately. "We have none left to squander here at home" he said.


Anonymous kgirl said...

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I am desperate for brilliant humor tonight. You've just saved one middle aged mother from grabbing the kitchen knife and slitting her throat.

7:12 PM  
Blogger Paul from SF said...

I'm glad that you liked it, kgirl. If you followed a direct link to this page, check out the whole blog. There's more that I suspect you will enjoy.

7:50 PM  
Blogger Doogman said...

Thank HEAVENS those people were saved by our courageous stormtroopers! That's what they're called, right...? Or.. no, wait... some kind of 'kopfen'... let me look it up in my Official Citizen Manual.... damn, the pages are all blank!!! That Koolaide dissolves EVERYTHING!!

Great work Paul - keep em laughing. Beats sobbing disconsolately!!!

8:24 PM  

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